World Peace and Spotty Nail Files
Ok folks. It’s that time of year. The time for NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS. Yay!
Now, I know that most of you will have made your own New Year’s Resolution LIST.
Many will be planning to ‘Spread World Peace’.
Others will be trying to ‘Be kinder to their younger brothers and sisters’.
And some of you will have resolved to eat at least 5 fruit and vegetables EVERY DAY FOREVER.
Well, GOOD LUCK. I really hope it goes well. Honestly, I do.
I’ve never been that successful myself. Shall I tell you a potted history of my New Year’s Resolutions? They’re quite embarrassing. But never mind. You deserve nothing but the truth. Here goes:
Wendy’s New Year’s Resolutions (through time)
Age 7: Try to stop biting my nails.
Age 8: Definitely try to stop biting my nails for longer than a week.
Age 9: Definitely try to stop biting ONE of my nails for longer than a week.
Age 10: Buy some REALLY DISGUSTING ‘Don’t Bite Your Nails’ Nail varnish and stop biting at least one of my nails for a little bit of time.
Age 11: Whenever I start biting any of my nails, sit on my hands IMMEDIATELY and thereby instantly stop. Keep doing this FOREVER.
Age 12: Oh dear. Never the mind about the whole nails thing.
Age 13: No. The nails thing really matters. They look yuck and everybody says it’s a ‘terrible habbit’. This is the year that I WILL definitely stop biting my nails.
[You can probably fill in the next bit but basically, despite sitting on my hands and spluttering and choking on that horrible tasting nail varnish thing, I was a COMPLETE AND UTTER FAILURE].
And then …. like a sort of miracle …..
Age 35: Buy clear nail varnish. Apply regularly. Have pink spotty nail file near at all times. Whenever an unwanted (though temptingly-chewable) nail approaches mouth, pretend that it is covered in INVISIBLE MUD and lots of WRIGGLY GERMS.
Guess what? Yes …. SUCCESS!
HOOOORAY! My name is Wendy Meddour and I haven’t bitten my nails for 2 years. *round of applause please *
And so we come to the moral of this story : If at first you don’t succeed . . . buy a spotty nail file.
No. No. NO! Sorry. That’s not it. If at first you don’t succeed, TRY AND TRY AGAIN.
What are your New Year’s Resolutions going to be? And do you think you’ll succeed (you know, maybe even sometime this decade?). Would love to know